Being single vs a bad relationship: What science says is better

Everyone loves a good love story. From eyes meeting across a crowded room to fairy-tale romances and neatly wrapped ‘happily ever afters’, we’ve long been sold a familiar narrative. We’ve been conditioned to believe that finding a romantic partner is life's greatest achievement. But pursuing a partner at any cost may be doing more harm than good, says a new groundbreaking longitudinal study. The findings are published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences.Though society constantly pressures you to chase ‘the one’, science reveals a distinctly different reality. A massive longitudinal study suggests that being single is better for emotional well-being, rather than enduring a poor or moderate-quality relationship. While a high-quality partnership boosts overall happiness, the data shows that settling for an unfulfilling romance takes a far heavier psychological toll than simply embracing singlehood.The new study provides scientific evidence for the age-old piece of life advice: being single is better than remaining in a bad relationship. The study, led by Dr Menelaos Apostolou of the University of Nicosia and Prof. Elyakim Kislev of the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, explored how relationship status constitutes a significant predictor of emotional well-being. To understand this, the researchers analysed data from thirteen waves of the Pairfam study, tracking a representative sample of 12,000 German participants.It’s simply not really worth having a relationship for the sake of it. Even though people tend to be happier when they are in a relationship, the study found that how good the relationship is matters more than simply being in one or being single."What makes this study unique is that we followed participants over several years to see how their happiness shifted as their relationship status changed. The results clearly indicate that it isn't simply about being coupled up. The quality of the relationship is the deciding factor for our emotional health. If a relationship is poor or even just moderate in quality, an individual's life satisfaction and positive emotions are significantly lower than if they had just stayed single,” Prof. Elyakim Kislev explained.The takeaway is simple. The quality of the relationship matters the most. The study found that emotional well-being was higher when participants were single than when they were in a poor or moderate-quality intimate relationship. The participants in bad relationships experienced fewer positive emotions and lower life satisfaction than when they were single.On the other hand, participants who were in good relationships had higher emotional well-being compared with being single.The researchers also looked at the difference between how men and women process relationship status. They found that being single was associated with negative emotions for men more than women. The observed difference is, however, small. Single women, however, felt less secure than single men. The takeaway is simple: settling down and settling are not the same thing. One is a choice to build something meaningful with another person. The other is accepting crumbs out of fear of being alone. The latter surely comes at a measurable cost to your mental and emotional well-being. Sometimes it's okay to not have a fairy-tale ending.