​Are you the red flag in your relationship? 7 truths you don’t want to hear​

Thanks to Gen Z, everyone is quite familiar with judging people with colours: red, green, even maroon (someone who is extremely difficult to be around), for that matter. If the question is “5 red flag behaviors in your partner,” there are numerous answers. But what will happen if the question is just flipped back at you: “5 red flag behaviors in you”? A not-so-common or easy-to-answer question, right? You won’t like or feel comfortable around the answers either, but here are 10 ways to find out: “Are you really a red flag?” Find out and start secretly working on your flaws instead of concealing them for the sake of a perfect relationship.

After every fight between you two, if you start justifying your behavior by saying that you have been through a lot in the past, and your reaction is just a reflection of how people treated you, and you subtly try to establish the point that you can’t change yourself or do anything about it—that’s a problem. Your present doesn’t deserve to be treated with disrespect just because someone else has done the same to you. If this pattern gives you a sadistic pleasure, then it’s time to actually point the finger at yourself.

Once you start expecting your partner’s actions to be exactly the way you want them to be, it gradually becomes harder mutually. For you, seeing the other person doing anything differently will feel like they are doing it all wrong—be it decisionmaking or social interactions. The same goes for the other person: it gets harder to breathe. Sometimes, even if your intention may be good, if your expression results in a draining relationship, then you should just take a back foot and think, “Is it really that necessary?”

Though it looks like WhatsApp blue ticks have made it easier to see people’s availability, is it really so? What about emotional availability? Are you someone who vents about every little inconvenience in life to your partner expecting a sensible response, but when the coin flips and your partner needs you emotionally, you start feeling restless and try to divert the conversation by saying, “You are overthinking”? Expecting things that you yourself are not ready to give back is a sign.

You might discard the statement by saying “Never,” but hold on. Does it ever cross your subconscious mind: “Why is my partner’s career growth happening faste than mine?” “Why did she get an 8% increment when I got just 3%?” “Is he showing off his money?” You got the feeling behind it: jealousy. If you keep comparing your partner’s life with yours, then his/her success won’t feel personal ever again. It’ll feel like another blow to your ego.

Has it ever happened in your relationship that, in some cases, you know you are wrong, but instead of accepting your flaws, you try to deny things you said or did—even when your partner clearly remembers them? Often, with the blessings of Instagram, it gets the tag of ‘smartness,’ but if you question yourself, it’s nothing but gaslighting behavior you are using to manipulate the truth.

Do you always try to sound politically correct in front of your partner? Or just start defending and overexplaining every time you sense a disagreement? Every living being on earth can be wrong sometimes. That being said, if you still feel you are 99% right in your relationship, then you need a reality check.

Overwhelming your partner with excessive affection or gifts early on to create dependency, then expecting them to do things according to you. Communicate your point of view clearly and reasonably. Don’t behave as if you need it anyhow just because of your insecurity or vulnerability. If you start setting unnecessary expectations based on your instant love bombing, then you need to question yourself: “Is there even real love left in your relationship ?”