Exclusive - Pavitra Punia: The darkest period of my life was after Bigg Boss, when I had no work, I found myself struggling with thoughts of suicide

Pavitra Punia, known for her impactful performances, has left a lasting impression on audiences with her memorable shows and characters. The actress who started her journey with reality shows, has come a long way in the industry and has seen many ups and downs. In a most heartwarming and candid conversation with ETimes TV, Pavitra Punia opened up like never before. From getting emotional while talking about her father’s demise, to her having suicidal thoughts to her darkest phase in life, Pavitra shared it all with no filter. (Photo: Instagram)

It feels like a fresh start for me. I sense that I'm just embarking on this journey. There's a new kind of excitement that accompanies me every moment, 24/7. Whenever there's a meeting scheduled for a narration, I'm filled with anticipation and positivity. I find myself thinking about my appearance and which heels and outfit would be best suited. It reminds me of the days when I faced struggles. But actually if I recall I've never truly experienced that struggle because opportunities seemed to come effortlessly to me. Everything fell into place one after the other. But now, for the first time, I feel the excitement and nervousness of a newcomer. The uncertainty of whether things will work out or not is something I haven't felt before. Yet, I'm filled with hope and optimism. Despite having spent many years in the industry and establishing a name for myself, I believe my journey of hard work and perseverance is just beginning. (Photo: Instagram)

To be honest, I never had to audition. I was directly called for a look test. They said if we like you, then you can come and give us a look test. During the lockdown, I recall they didn't reduce my payment, but they asked if they could withhold my one week's payment because at that time I was doing Baalveer. They asked if they could keep my payment for one week. Given the global emergency, I realize I might face financial difficulties because after this, I won't have any income, and I can't touch my savings before that. Some savings are meant to be kept aside and untouched because they're assets. You can't just sell your assets or use them for daily expenses. I couldn't do anything about it, and I know those 7 days really shook up my budget. (Photo: Instagram)

You know, that emergency and the lockdown period weren't particularly difficult for me because, by the grace of God, I was managing. On December 27th, 2020, my father had an accident, and he suffered paralysis in his lower body. That was a much bigger concern for me than the Covid situation. For me, if I have to give something to someone, it's more about feeling proud that I am able to help somebody, rather than feeling the lack of money that I might be facing. (Photo: Instagram)

More than the lockdown, the most challenging time for me was when I came out of Bigg Boss. It was the darkest period of my life when I didn't have work, and the money I earned from Bigg Boss had run out while taking care of my family. It's not about being rich, but rather about responsibility. For instance, if I'm in a hospital, I wouldn't ask my mother for her credit or debit card. It's a child's responsibility. Similarly, when you're with friends, you wouldn't ask if they have money when you're the one who's unwell, right? You understand what I mean. When you're an earning member, you want to do everything you can for your parents. That period, I believe, was my "Covid" moment, not during the actual Covid pandemic. I wasn't struggling or juggling with anything during Covid; I was just living a very happy life. (Photo: Instagram)

I don’t know why people feel that it is a shameful thing to enhance your features but I got my lips enhanced because I used to feel that my lips were very small. Now, I feel more confident with my lips being fuller. (She showed a photo which had thinner lips and mentioned that she had not done anything to make her lips look fuller).

After coming out of Bigg Boss on November 28th, my life took a drastic turn when, on December 27th, my father met with an accident. The following one and a half years were incredibly challenging, marking the darkest phase of my life. I found myself on the brink of depression, struggling with thoughts of suicide. It was an immensely difficult time, and I truly believe that the love of my family saved me. I remember feeling like it would only take seconds for me to do something irreversible. I have 10 dogs of my own, not strays but bred dogs, and I would think, "What will happen to them if I'm not around?" Like every mother, I believed that no one could care for my "children" better than me. So, I felt that despite the tough times, it was my karmic duty to endure and overcome. And eventually, I believe it paid off beautifully. (Photo: Instagram)

I was indeed working during that period, but it wasn't consistent. You see, Pavitra Punia is known for reality shows, but she's also recognized for her regular television work. For an actor, being away from the camera for one and a half years isn't a positive sign. It feels like you're fading away, right? So, I thought collaborations might come my way, offering ongoing work. During that time, my family supported me financially, but strangely, that didn't bring me happiness. I found myself in a situation where my family was helping me, right after I had come out of Bigg Boss, which was supposed to be my peak time. I kept questioning myself, wondering what I had done to end up in this position. Even when I considered ending something, I lacked the courage to let go. So, as I mentioned earlier, I'll always blame myself. But life is moving forward now. (Photo: Instagram)

I have always been deeply involved in the selection of my outfits for all my shows. Every outfit you've seen me wear has been decided by me, without the involvement of any designer. I personally choose the designs for my blouses and other attire, right down to the fabric. Often, even the tailors just nod in agreement with my selections. Let me give you an example from my time in Nagmani, for one and a half years, every piece of jewelry I wore was customized. I always admired Sia as a skilled jewelry maker in our television industry, and she also works in Bollywood. I would send her my outfit ideas, and she would ensure that the jewelry perfectly matched my vision.. (Photo: Instagram)

It's been a long journey, and I'm still on the path, running towards my goals. I have a clear destination in mind, and I know there's a long way to go to reach it. In fact, I believe I'm not even 25 percent of the way there yet. Up until now, I've simply been surviving and establishing myself in Mumbai and in this industry. While I've managed to make a mark for myself, I feel like I haven't truly showcased my full potential. But now, I'm ready to pick up the pace and run faster towards my goals. It's going to take time, but I'm committed to the journey ahead. (Photo: Instagram)