Choti Sardarni’s Nimrit Kaur Ahluwalia opens up on mental health; writes ‘There were endless days of not wanting to wake up and feeling claustrophobic'

Nimrit Kaur Ahluwalia, who is seen in the role of Meher in Choti Sardarni, opened up on social media about dealing with mental health issues. The actress made several posts where she wrote in detail about going through several bout of overwhelming and underwhelming feelings and how she has stayed hopeful of better days ahead. She understood the importance of talking, sharing and growing. Here’s what Nimrit shared about the ups and downs of her mental health.

Narrating her experience, Nimrit wrote, “In the past few months I have come to understand how even if we may not acknowledge it, our hearts and minds can be fragile. Even when we may consider ourselves as strong, independent individuals, life can have it’s way of hitting us like a thunder bolt.

“I deeply understand that from where I stand, the life I lead seems picture perfect and privileged. It no doubt is. But what I do understand better now, is something I didn’t before. What we see on the outside may not be what one feels or carries in the inside.”

“For the longest time I struggled to understand what the constant empty feeling inside me meant. My brain churned and went back and forth on the innumerable possibilities of why I felt the way I did. On certain days I had my answers, on some days it was just utter confusion.”

“There were endless days of not wanting to wake up. Endless days of tears and raging mood swings. There were days of turning into a toddler, wanting to cling onto my mother even if she left my room for five minutes. There were days of not bathing, not brushing and just staring at the ceiling fan.”

“Then came the days where I wanted to feel better. There were also days that were lonely despite all the love and warmth. Days that made me scared for no particular reason. And then there were days of reading and colouring. Some catching up with old friends and instances which made me go search for the old me. There was constant nudging to get myself groomed. There were days of scrabble, baking, and puzzles. Constant conversations and in and out of the hospital.”

“There were days that turned into sleepless nights. There were days of endless prayers. There were solo 5am drives because even the house seemed claustrophobic. There were days of meeting new people and mountain climbing sessions. There were days of putting makeup on and buying new clothes. Then there were days of not fitting my clothes right and feeling unhealthy.”

“There were days of reminiscing old pictures and care packages. There were days of reaching parties but instead crashing at 11pm. There were days of no control and helplessness. There were days of throwing away my phone. And then there were days of sleeping to my favourite shabads. There was too much felt. Too much unsaid. Attempts of accepting. Attempts of finding ways to fix myself all over again.”

“All along this beautiful yet strenuous process of understanding and accepting myself, I found hope. I found immense hope from my family, my psychiatrist, my friends, my colleagues and all of you well wishers out there.”

“I understand now that we all go through certain experiences for a reason. I understand now that we all need to converse more, accept more and aid each other more. I understand now that mental health is so underrated and how important it is to talk, share and grow. And as I still depend on my medication, I feel a lot more better, a lot less anxious, and a lot more hopeful. So hang in there, for there is hope for all of us.”