How does your childhood affect your present love life

What we see and experience in our childhood shapes the way we grow up. Good memories make us positive beings but a scarred childhood often changes the way we perceive life in the future. For a better understanding on how it affects our present, adult love life, scroll down and connect the dots.

What we see while growing up between our parents and other adults around us, has a huge impact on our selection of partners in the future. We do this unconsciously indeed. If you have faced a difficult time while growing up, which could be constant criticism, fights at home, physical and emotional abuse or even absent parents, you tend to become insecure, anxious and accordingly pick a partner. You may have even become a submissive and a push over depending upon which parent you took it from. All these things impact how you pick your partner.

If you have seen the popular TV show FRIENDS, then let’s take a leaf out of a particular episode. When Rachel is teaching Joey how to ride a boat, she yells at him constantly and realises that those were the exact violent words her father would use when they were kids.

On one hand there is nothing wrong in repeating what your parents said as long as it is healthy and positive. But the problem arises when those words are negative! Always keep a check on your language, what you say when you say to your partner. Also, keep tabs on your reactions, and work on yourself, take professional help if you feel it is disturbing.

How do you handle rejection, disagreement, any kind of conflict? Some people remain silent and endure it but then there are folks who fume, storm out of the room or fight back. How often do you blow up? What words do you use amid heated arguments with your partner? Do you hit under the belt with some venomous words? Do you get abusive not just emotionally but also physically? Agreeing to disagree is always the best policy as that respects both opinions. It is normal to argue but keep a check on your temper. Understand your partner’s perspective as well!

Almost all of us have an ego but how much is the question. How do you handle each other’s work ethics? Do you respect each other’s ambitions in life? How are the finances handled between you two? Do you need constant ego stroking? Before getting into a relationship, make sure that you have had these discussions or analysed the person enough. If your parents had it bad, instead of walking down the same lane, learn from their mistakes. Have a better communication system between you two. Don’t let their negative decisions affect your present. Seek professional help, take couples therapy, work on yourselves.

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