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How children raised by overly strict parents turn out later in life: The answer is an eye-opener

TOI Lifestyle Desk
| ETimes.in | Last updated on - May 22, 2026, 21:00 IST
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How children raised by overly strict parents turn out later in life: The answer is an eye-opener

Many parents believe discipline, respect, and success can only be achieved when they raise their child with strict rules, routines, and high expectations. Even society views such adults as the “ideal parents.”
However, more is not always better. When strictness turns into excessive control and constant criticism, the impact can be very different.
In the 1960s, psychologist Diana Baumrind studied such cases where children were raised by “overly-strict” parents, and results the study found are quite concerning.
The psychologist found that when children are raised under highly-authoritarian parenting, they grow up to be obedient on the outside, but they remain emotionally conflicted on the inside. Here are three common patterns many children raised by overly strict parents may carry into adulthood:

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​They constantly seek approval from others

Children who grow up in highly controlled environments are often taught to follow instructions rather than thinking independently.
As adults these children may perform well under structured environments and even become hard-working employees. But when it comes to leadership and self-confidence, they lack such qualities and sometimes even become people-pleasers who constantly wait to get validation from others.

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They struggle to express themselves openly

In overly-strict households, often the parents are the ones who speak, while others follow. This somehow makes communication one-sided. Over time, children stop expressing disagreements and personal opinions because they fear being punished.
As adults such children may struggle to communicate their feelings, set boundaries, and even handle conflicts.

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Emotional support often feels unfamiliar to them

One of the deepest effects of harsh parenting is emotional loneliness. A child may receive food and education, but still grow feeling emotionally unseen. When emotional support is not present in childhood, children start seeking it everywhere else. Some may become overly dependent in relationships. Others may seek constant attention or external validation to feel emotionally fulfilled.

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Why this conversation is an eye–opener

Strict parenting does make children obedient, but what it lacks in providing is the emotional safety kids need in childhood. These children are obedient, but they rarely turn out to be emotionally sound. When they grow up, they turn out anxious, under-confident, don’t portray a strong sense of identity and even face trouble trusting others.
It is important for parents to understand that emotional safety in children is as important as discipline. Children do not become emotionally strong because they are controlled. They become emotionally strong when they feel safe enough to express themselves.

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What it considered as “overly-strict” parenting

Certainly being a parent who wants their children to be disciplined isn’t a bad thing. The problem arises when children are raised in ways that make them fear their own parents. Because remember, fearing isn’t the same as respecting. Some common signs of overly strict parents can be:
Parents who do not allow their child to question them or express disagreements.
Parents who treat their child’s mistake as something worthy of a punishment.
Parents who always dismiss their child’s emotional needs (crying or sadness) with harsh phrases.
Parents who constantly monitor and manage their child’s friendships and hobbies.
Parents who only expect high-performance in academics but never appreciate their child’s efforts.
Parents who always criticise their child and never show affection or express praise.

Ultimately, healthy parenting is not about removing discipline altogether. It is about balancing discipline with emotional warmth, communication, and trust.

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Copyright © Jun 3, 2026, 05.26PM IST Bennett, Coleman & Co. Ltd. All rights reserved. For reprint rights: Times Syndication Service