How to STOP your daughter from apologizing (unnecessarily)

There's no wrong in accepting faults and apologizing for them. However, when the phrase 'I'm sorry' is repeatedly used by children, especially young girls, it may be a sign of something more serious.

Children particularly are young and impressionable. They are surviving in a world that they're still making sense of, which is why they have absolutely no reason to be sorry for.

Often, being apologetic is one way to pacify a conflict. According to experts, this is one of the reasons why kids, especially young girls, feel under obligation to apologize. But it shouldn't be so.

So what should parents do to raise more confident, more assertive kids? How should you teach your daughters to stop saying sorry unnecessarily?

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Learning begins at home. To raise more confident, opinionated daughters, you must create an environment, where they feel safe, not judged, validated and appreciated for their viewpoint. Even if you do not agree with them, do not call them out for speaking their minds.

Often, parents come under societal pressures and try to shape their daughters according to the social construct and gender roles laid down for girls and boys. But what they need to understand is that there is no gender binary i.e. having only two genders (boys/men and girls/women).

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Sometimes, parents may need to alter their style of parenting. Daughters who are over apologizers or people pleasers may have strict, authoritarian parents. Such a parenting style often encourages obedience, discipline, control rather than nurturing children and their unique personalities. This may lead parents to overlook a child's wants, needs and may fail to take their feelings into consideration. Hence, making your child feel less of themselves and unimportant. This is why parents should be more empathetic and must have good listening power. They should be more welcoming of their children's decisions and choices. Only then will kids learn to be confident.

Whether you agree or disagree with your daughter's ideas, don't just say 'Yes' or 'No'. Validate their opinions, their emotions and how they're feeling. If they want to do something that you do not agree with, don't say no and leave it there. Instead, ask them why and encourage them to provide a proper reasoning for their choice. As a parent, you do not always have to agree or give in to their demands, but if they have logic and rationality behind it, then give them a chance.

Besides raising opinionated daughters, you must also focus on raising well-spoken, confident and great arguers. While you let your daughters have the liberty to express their opinions, their ideas, you must also teach them how to put them across. Just having ideas isn't enough. If they are to make a mark, you must also follow through.

The key is not only to provide a safe, secure and non-judgemental environment, but to also practice active listening and validating their opinions and ideas.

You must avoid telling your child what to do or avoid, instead, ask questions that help them argue their points better and earn what they deserve.

Furthermore, make sure you set healthy boundaries. Do not invade their personal space just because you think you can. Maintaining healthy distance will allow them to trust you more.