Zeenat Aman's troubled marriage

She is a trendsetter. She is a beauty queen. She is the queen of hearts. She is Zeenat Aman! She is a name which is remembered till date for her ultra glamorous looks and sultry persona onscreen. In a period where all other actresses portrayed the image of a doting wife, loving daughter or selfless sister; Zeenat did not hesitate to break away from the stereotype. Zeenat Aman, who ruled as the sex symbol for almost two decades, portrayed characters which were not only out of the box but something which other actresses never dared to take up. Her name was enough to evoke desire and admiration, especially among her male followers. From keeping her life size posters in their rooms to waiting in queue for hours and hours for a single glance, Indian audiences loved Zeenat Aman.

While the nation went gaga over this seductress, Zeenat was never affected by the stardom or fame she received. For Zeenat the only thing that mattered was pure love. There were men all around her who were ready to give up everything to be with her, but she kept looking for real love. Eventually Zeenat found her 'true love' or so she may have liked to call it then, but this love gave her more pain that she could ever endure. It was a love that never lasted. A relationship that fell apart during the very first year of their marriage.

In a candid chat with Simi Garewal on her talk show, Zeenat revealed how she still bore the scars of her previous relationships. For beauty queen Zeenat Aman, life was as smooth as the graph of her filmy career. The Zeenat Aman who wanted pure love since her childhood, never found one. Zeenat was at the peak of her career when she married the relatively unsuccessful Mazhar Khan. On being asked what drew her to him, Zeenat took a long pause before finally uttering the truth.

She said, "My biological clock was ticking and I wanted to be a mother. I wanted to raise a family and now I think Mazhar just happened to be there at the right time. She also said even though Mazhar did not possess the qualities and attriubutes she wished to have in her life partner, she tried to fit him in. Though Zeenat's mother was totally against the match, Zeenat who had already suffered heart break decided to go on with her decision and married Mazhar. But Zeenat's mother could not take this too well and had a heart attack. It was only after Zeenat had kids and they started meeting their nani that she finally began to recover.

On being asked what went wrong in their relationship Zeenat said, "Mazhar never wanted me to grow as an individual or as an artist. He always wanted me to be with the kids and be at home. During the very first year of marriage I realised I had made a huge mistake, but I decided to live by it and make it work. I tried to make it work for another 12 years. There was no light at the end of the tunnel for me. There was not a single moment of happiness or joy during those 12 years. But I still tried making it work."

Talking about her troubled marriage she revealed, "Like every other girl or woman I had imagined and visualized a totally different picture of a married life in my head. But in reality it was nothing like it. Mazhar was never there whenever I needed him. Even when I was pregnant, he was not there to support me or be happy with me. Tabloids were filled with reports of him seeing someone else at that time but I still thought of giving us a chance. I wanted my child to have a father. I did everything I could to make this relationship work so that my son gets his father but at the end I lost the battle."

Zeenat's husband Mazhar had some serious problem in his pancreas. The illness which was detected in 1993 went on till 1997. During this period Zeenat was the only person by his side, all alone. Talking about those days she said, "93-97 was a continuous battle for me. I literally lived with him in the hospital all these years. From learning how to give injections to how to do the dressing, I did everything in my capacity single handedly. I looked after my children, I looked after my husband but there was no one to look after me. I am sure no other woman would have lasted in my situation for too long. But I held onto Mazhar. When the doctors in India gave up I took him to the best doctors abroad, and finally in 1997 he was allowed to go home. These 5 years I did not see day and night."

"My world had shrunk around Mazhar and my kids. These 5 years I just gave away everything I had. My positivity, energy, time and love. And by the end of the 5th year I realised I had nothing more to give. I realised I wanted out of that marriage. From battling for his life, it had now become a battle of my survival. If I would not have left then I would have definitely had a nervous breakdown."

"Mazhar was addicted to prescribed drugs, I pleaded him to come out of it but he would not listen. One day his kidneys finally packed up. His death came as a major blow to me. Even after all this I was not ready for him to die. I had fought all the battles for him, I could not believe he would make me lose like that. After his death I was blamed by his mother and sister that I did not support him. I was told I should not have left him. They did not allow me to pay my last respects. Every single penny he had left was taken by his mother and sister. There was nothing left for my children. My oldest son was fed negative things about me by his mother and sister. He was told how I had cheated his father and how I was not there when he needed me the most. Today they love their father as much as they love me. But that time was really tough for me."

Talking about the infamous Sanjay Khan episode she said," I have closed my mind to it, I pretend that it never happened. I don't think about it. I don't talk about it. That's the best way to cope up with it." In the same interview she also said, "I have always let my heart rule my head, but if I could rewind and start afresh I would listen to my mother. I would agree and follow whatever she told me."