Sabrina Lall on Manu Sharma: It’s not about forgiveness... It’s that now I don’t really CARE if he comes out of jail

She fought tooth and nail to get Manu Sharma behind bars, who shot her sister Jessica Lall for refusing him a drink after the bar had closed at a party, in the Delhi of 1999. But the Sabrina Lall of today has no problem if Sharma is granted bail or an early release, because she doesn’t care. “He messed up my family and I think he has paid for it. Fifteen years is a long enough time,” she tells us.
It was recently that Sabrina received a letter from Tihar Jail authorities, where Sharma is serving a life sentence, regarding a victims’ welfare fund. “They sent me a letter stating that he’s up for bail in the next three or four months, because he’s spent 15 years in jail. And in the context of some victims’ welfare fund, where the victim’s family can claim some portion of the money that he has earned in 15 years. So if I want to claim the fund, to just provide them with certain documents. So I replied saying that I’m not interested in the compensation. And if he’s up for bail I have no objection either. I don’t have any objection to his release. It was just one line. I didn’t need to write that sentence, but I did.”
According to reports, Sharma might seek an early release from prison citing remission worth five years, for good conduct. He has also spent the last six months in an ‘open prison’, where he is allowed to leave for work every day and then return in the evening. But Sabrina is clear that if he is released, it’s not ‘early’ as far as she’s concerned. “There’s no such thing as an early release, he’s spent 15 years in jail,” she says.
What made her add that sentence in her letter? “Because, you know, this was never... I wanted justice for my sister, and I think I achieved it. Now whether he spends another two years in jail or three years in jail or six months, it really doesn’t matter to me. 15 years, I feel, is a long enough time,” she replies. And if he is out, will that affect her in any way? “As I said, I don’t have any... I don’t know how to explain. I have no feelings regarding that anymore. 15 years he has spent in jail, he has served his sentence, I... what to say? It’s fine with me if he’s out.”
Ask her if she has forgiven him, and the reply comes quick: “No, no, no, it’s not about forgiveness. It’s that I don’t really – it sounds horrible – I don’t care if he comes out of jail. Forgiveness is something very different, in the sense that who am I to forgive anybody? The idea is that he... messed up my entire family and I think he has paid for it. I think he has paid for it. So it’s not about any of that. It’s just that I really don’t have any comment about the fact that if he comes out on bail or if he comes out – it doesn’t make a difference to me.”
Before writing, did she deliberate on it? “I spoke to a couple of my friends,” she says, “Two-three of them told me that okay, enough is enough. You need to put this behind you and stop thinking about this now... It’s been far too long for me to hold on to so much of anger and resentment, and I just don’t feel it’s worth it anymore.”

December 2006-------------------- #FLASHBACK -------------------------
Manu Sharma might walk out of jail before his time, but to Sabrina Lall, it doesn’t matter anymore. From a prolonged fight to get justice, she has arrived at a place where she can finally let it go. As for Manu, the “dying every day in jail” could soon come to an end. DT looks back

Sabrina Lall to DT – 2010‘When I look back, have I gained anything? I don’t think so’

“The final chapter of the episode is over now. The end. Up to 2006, there was a great deal of grief, and then, after the verdict too, there was this thing that they would appeal in the Supreme Court and then they did too. But today, it is completely over”

Was there that twinge of apprehension when they appealed, that
perhaps, the Apex Court might take a lenient stance? “A lot of people were telling me that that might happen, and I was hoping it wouldn’t, but again, see, there’s a certain amount of nervousness about all these things. In my mind, I was pretty confident that the sentencing won’t be revoked, I don’t know why. But till the time I heard the judgment, I wasn’t so sure.”

Was she in court? “No, I didn’t go to court. I was in office, and someone called me and said ‘life,’ and I was like ‘yessss!’’

So, now, what’s ahead? “I really haven’t got time to think about that.
Obviously, life carries on, as it did all these 11 years. I’ve been working, and doing things that need to be done. But there was this one big niggling thought at the back of my mind all the time, you know, Manu Sharma. I’d be worrying about where he is, what he’s going to do now, the court cases. All that is over, and there’s this overwhelming sense of calm. But I don’t know. I haven’t thought about what I am going to do, whether I will even do something or not. A lot of people ask me, ‘Are you going to help people in similar situations?’ I don’t know whether I will be actively involved in anything like that.”

“You know, sometimes, when Jessica’s friends and I get together, I realise that I’ve spent so much of my time just concentrating on the legal battles, and the problems I’ve faced, that I sometimes think I must, well, I don’t know if it will ever materialise, or when I will get around to doing it – but I want to make a documentary on Jessica. The person that she was – a lot of people don’t know that. Maybe something short, a film... The whole country knows only about the ‘incident’. But the person... Shona would just light up the room she walked into. She was my best friend. I still miss her so much, we all do.”

“What have I gained? It is the sense of loss that remains. See, the gain has only been putting a certain thing to end, which was punishing the boy who perpetrated the crime. But that
cannot bring back any of the people I’ve lost. It cannot bring back my mother or my father. When I look back, have I gained anything? I don’t think so. But like my family, I try and look at the positive side of things. I hope they’re happy
wherever they are, life has to carry on. I can’t spend my life crying and moping all the time, I think the happier I am and the more I do in my life, they will be happier too... I believe they are somewhere around.”

“Over the years, I’ve changed a lot. Before this incident happened, I was quieter, I wouldn’t talk much. If you’d asked me 12 years ago will you be on TV channels, and give interviews, I’d have shied away immediately. I don’t like to focus attention on me at all, which was completely opposite to how Jessica was. I also voice my opinions far more easily and frequently these days – this was something I wouldn’t do earlier. You know, if something happened, or something needed to be sorted out, it was always Jessica who’d be at the forefront. If somebody said something wrong, or if there was a problem, she’d be there to take up the cudgels, and I’d be like, ‘let it be’, ‘jaane do’, I was like ‘peace’ at all the time.”

Manu Sharma to DT – 2011‘It would have been better if I’d been in Jessica’s place’

“I was just a 23-year-old. And you know, when you are that age, you are full of energy and think you can do anything... I had gone to that place (Qutub Colonnade) with my friends. It was just a night out. But it turned into a nightmare.”

“All I can say is, we had gone there to enjoy. There was no intention of hurting anyone. I didn’t even know who Jessica was...Somehow, the events took an ugly turn. It was a bad day for both of us.”
Bad day? “Yes, bad day. You know, I’ve never even had a single challan in my name, neither have I been involved in any case. No one in my family has ever been to jail. So I guess, it was a bad day.”

Does he think about that night often? “I used to. It’s been four years that I’ve been in jail, and I did a lot of introspection. But when I think about it now, I feel it would have been better if I’d have been in her place,” he rues. Defending his statement, he quickly adds, “I know it is a very bad thing to say. But the way I see it, I would have loved to switch places. I mean, she died – may God rest her soul in peace – but I’m dying here everyday, my parents are dying everyday with me.”