Even as the National Capital Region (NCR) and other parts of north India became a deadly poison belt because of pollution which had to be tackled on an emergency footing, a self-proclaimed godman, Baba Bakwasji, announced that he had the perfect solution to combat pollution. Putting on a protective gas mask, Second Opinion went to interview the Baba.

Second Opinion: Baba Bakwasji, you say that you have found a sure-fire way to save ourselves from the many health hazards of pollution. Can you tell us what it is?

Baba Bakwasji: I most certainly can. But first you must understand that all this pollution-vollution hungama is not part of our ancient Indian tradition, and is a videshi aberration, like Valentine’s Day, and people wanting to eat things they’re not meant to eat, like beef, and women working in offices, and wearing jeans, and going to pubs.

SO: You mean that all this filthy fug that’s smothering us to death has been created in foreign parts and exported to us, clog, smog, and oil barrel?

BB: That’s exactly it. Because this air pollution that surrounds us is only a physical manifestation of the cultural pollution we’ve allowed ourselves to get infected with, like Gay Pride, and inter-caste marriages.

SO: I thought that the pollution we’re suffering from is caused by fossil fuel emissions, and unplanned urbanisation, and unregulated construction activity, and stubble burning on farms, and 


BB (cutting SO short): All irrelevant.

SO: If all that is irrelevant, what is relevant in combatting pollution? What is your solution to pollution?

BB: Simple. Everyone’s been putting the cart before the horse, or the hearse, in this case. Pollution is only a problem because we breathe. My solution to pollution is based on the ancient discipline of prana yoga, or breath control, taken to its logical end. We should practice breath control till we perfect it and control it till we don’t need to breathe at all anymore. Solution to pollution.

SO: Not just a solution to pollution but the Final Solution to all problems 


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Disclaimer

This article is intended to bring a smile to your face. Any connection to events and characters in real life is coincidental.

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